IF a journey to health and well-being

 Monday 83.7kgs It doesn't take a genius to work out that I weighed this morning!  I am going through a bit of a crisis in the last 3 days and so I need to weigh to keep and eye on things.  83.7kgs is ok considering what happened yesterday. On Saturday I was fasting all day and in the afternoon we went out for a walk in the woods and got caught in a storm and got soaked.  Also I got stung on the right elbow by a horse fly.  It was really painful and as the night wore on it became more and more swollen and inflamed and hot and painful.  I didn't sleep well and when I woke up on Sunday morning it was in a right mess.  I tried icing it but that didn't really work.  In the end I took an anti-histamine tablet, even though I know they have a very negative effect on me, making me feel sleepy and horrible.  I was supposed to break my fast at 2pm but at 1pm I felt dreadful.  I was shaky, mushy headed, very sleepy and felt really, really unwell....

 Sunday 83kgs Ok when I stood on the scale this morning I was devastated to see that I was 83.  For some reason I thought I was going to be in the high 82's.  Then I have just looked back at yesterdays blog and I wrote that I expected to be 83 this morning so I am spot on.  Of course the question of 'Should I weigh?' is answered in this first paragraph.  I don't want to, but I can't stand not knowing how I am doing. Today is an eating day and I am thinking that I will have my usual lunch of eggs and bacon and then a steak for dinner with veg.  For Mike I was going to cook this kind of cauliflower cheese pasta dish that Jamie Oliver did.  I could have the Cauliflower cheese without the pasta. We were going to go out on the tandem today but Mike wants to go out on his bike and I got bitten by a horse fly yesterday and my arm is swollen from halfway up my forearm to halfway up my bicep and so painful that I don't want to cycle.  I have actually taken...

 Saturday 83.7kgs As you can see I did weigh this morning.  It's such a habit.  I wish now I hadn't because obviously I guessed yesterday that today I would be up to 83.5.  I know it's only 200gms but on the square foot of misery it can be a negative feeling.  I wonder too if the alcohol (one gin) is the reason?  I will never know but I must bear it in mind.  So today the plan is to fast until tomorrow.  I have just done my pilates and plan on a long walk this afternoon with Lilly.  I have done dinner for Mike so that is all good.   So how do I think this is going to go if I fast today?  Are my expectations unrealistic?  Yup I think so.  Especially when I have been reading that intially doing rolling 42's that the weight loss is dramatic when you first start and then it slows down to a crawl.  Well I have to say after my first two 42's the weight loss was dramatic at 2kgs in 5 days.  Am I prepared to do roll...

 Friday 82.9kgs I did it!  I managed to fast until this morning and so far have done about 37 hours.  I still have a way to go to get to 42 and I have to admit I do feel a bit shaky.  I am madly eating salt and drinking coffee and water.  I am going to do the 42 hours.  Actually I don't mind the hunger but I do mind when I get the swimmy head etc.  I had a terrible nights sleep but actually I think that is my fault as I had read on the FB groups that sometimes it's hard to sleep on an extended fast.  I did get some sleep although my shoulder was hurting.   The square foot of misery was kind this morning and I weighed in at 82.9 which is bloody amazing.  I know that when I start to eat today it will shoot up but I am hoping to keep that to under 84.  If I can keep in the 83's then I will be well happy.  I am seriously wondering about fasting tomorrow as well.  I would like to ease up over the weekend but I know how qui...

 Thursday 84.4kgs Let's just get yesterday out of the way.  So it was an up day and I planned to do 42 hours but in the end I got to 41 and called it a day.  I was hungry and Mike was eating and I was irritable and hangry.  I cannot bear to hear him eating his lunch even if I am not fasting because every bloody day he has a huge mound of crisps which he crunches his way through.  OMG I just want to run around screaming when he is eating.  So I made myself some lunch of bacon and mackerel.  It was nice and filling.  For dinner we had steak and I had some sweet potato fries and salad.  The problem is that in between lunch and dinner I ate a huge handful of sultanas and grilled almonds.  Once I started I couldn't stop.  Same old, same old.  So onwards and upwards. I guessed yesterday pretty accurately that today I would weigh 84.4 and I was spot on.  Today I plan to fast until tomorrow.  I can do it and as the day goes o...

 Wednesday 83.9kgs I did it!  I managed to fast until now and am so far 40.5 hours and planning to go until 2pm which will be 42 hours.  My plan after that is to eat a lunch of sardines and egg and salad and then for dinner tonight I will have a steak and salad and maybe some couscous or something like that.  I am obviously very pleased with myself and although this morning has been a bit of a struggle because I do feel hungry I am coping.   So what to do from here?  Should I do another 42 hour fast from tonight?  Should I do 2mad tomorrow and then do a 42 hour fast on Friday?  I'm not sure what to do.  Obviously I want quick results but I also do not want to be stressed.  I feel quite stressed right now but that is nothing to do with food. The numbers on the foot square made me feel good because I am way down on yesterday but then obviously after I eat today they are going to go back up again.  I think that tomorrow I will be ...

 Tuesday 85.1kgs My weight is still going up and therefore I need to rethink my food choices.  Also, yesterday I felt really unwell all day.  I felt mushy headed, shaky and my eyes were unfocussed all day.  I was irritable, felt hungry and hangry.  I was snapping at Mike all day and felt very tearful when Ben rang to say he wasn't coming over.  I feel hurt because of that.  I have no rights as a parent but it would love to spend some time with him.  Hey ho, suck it up sister.   Yesterday I took my blood sugars all day.  In the morning when fasted and just feeling crappy I took it and it was 5.  Then I took it before my dinner in the evening when I had eaten lunch and was hungry again about 7.15pm and it was 5.3.  I took it an hour after eating and I felt fine but tired and it was 5.7.  So not problems with my blood sugar at all looking at those numbers.  I was very, very tired and in fact had a short sleep at abo...

 Monday 85kgs The Scales are my one square foot of misery.  I step on them with trepidation every single morning.  Every day I put my daily mental state in that one square foot of glass.  The change from last week when I stepped on and was 83.3 and felt like I had won the lottery and then this morning when I step on and I'm tired because I didn't sleep at all well last night and I'm irritable and hangry and 85 shows up and I'm defeated and devastated. So here I am; Back where I was a couple of weeks ago.  It's not surprising after how I have been variously bingeing and then starving.  My chickens are home to roost on my hips, belly and under my arms.  I can actually feel how much fatter I am and even before the scales went up I could feel the inches I had put back on.  If it's true that we should not rely on the scales to show the weight loss then we also shouldn't rely on the them to show the gains too. I am disappointed that after fasting for 22...

 Sunday 84.7kgs Today is another day.  I don't want to dwell on yesterday as mentally it was a bad day.  As far as eating is concerned it was not a total disaster.  I stuck to keto and although I probably ate too much in quantity I mainly stuck to low carb.  I did have a drink.  That is a work in progress.   As the title says it is the time to move forward now.  I've got this.  It is hard but as I have shown in this blog all along I am doing it.   It's our wedding anniversary today.  19 years and there have been ups and downs but I wouldn't want to live my life without him.  He knows what makes me tick most of the time. The plan for today is to go out for a ride on the tandem and then dinner tonight.  It is a special occasion so I MIGHT open a bottle of bubbles but we shall see.   I am feeling hungry right now which is a bugger but I am going to keep up the salt, coffee, water and brine and use all my t...

 Saturday 84.6kgs So here we are again.   Yet again I have self sabotaged.  Yesterday was a really bad day for me, both mentally and emotionally.  I felt really low, defeated, stupid and HUNGRY.  All day I felt really hungry.  I felt I needed the comfort of eating.  Reflecting on this now I wonder if it was because I was thinking about and worrying about Ben coming home and what would be the outcome?  I knew it had the possibility of being catastrophic and I was as anxious as probably they were.  I wonder if my cortisol was high because of that.  I felt so horrible and although I had good intentions they didn't last.  Before we went out for a cycle I just couldn't continue without eating so I had some bacon and eggs.  That was good and it filled a gap and eased an emotion.  We went out for a really nice cycle.  Nothing too strenuous and we did a lot of cross country on chemins.  In all we did 30 ish kms....

 Friday 84.5kgs Here we are again!  Not 'Happy as can be'.  Yesterday was a bliddy disaster.  I was hungry all morning and had that horrible craving feeling.  In the end I decided to end my fast at about 2pm.  I was very good.  I had some sardines which I fried in butter.  They were delicious and I enjoyed them.  But after that I just couldn't stop eating.  I had a lump of cheese, then I ate some peanuts then more cheese.  Then I had my dinner which was a steak with salad, then I had some grapes.  When I added it all up it was well over 1600 calories.  The proof was in the pudding when I weighed myself this morning and I had gained nearly 500g or a pound overnight!!  I knew what I was doing when I was eating it, but I just couldn't stop.  I was bored and I had been to the physio which resulted in being in pain with my shoulder.  Boredom is really the thing that defeats me. I have these plans for fasting but ...

 Thursday 84.1kgs I really should do this every day and then I would see what is really going on.   In the past couple of days I have done 3 x 23 hour fasts and this led to a big drop in my weight.  We also went out for a great bike ride and the next morning I was down to 83.7 kgs which is bloody unbelievable.  So yesterday I went back to 19-5 and TMAD and my weight is now 84.1kgs.  I am cool with this and I have to admit that yesterday I really didn't feel brilliant all day.  I felt a bit whooshy headed and had some brain fog.  I was very headachy too.  I did my BP because I was worried that either my BP was too low or too high but it was 130/75 which is brilliant and my blood sugar fasted was 5.1 and after eating it was 5.7 so all perfectly normal.  I at full keto.  Bacon, eggs and cheese for lunch.  Steak and cauliflower mash with butter for dinner.   I had a handful of grapes after dinner.    No snacks....

 Monday 84.2kgs Well what do you know!  After a week of being stuck and the week before being a week of up and downing, today I had a whoosh!  I keep saying 'Trust the process' but then let the scales make me doubt it and I let them make me feel so low.  84.2kgs is bloody amazing and a figure I never thought I would see.  Yesterday was a real achievement and I wrote about it at length on yesterdays blog update.  I fasted all told for 23 hours and then ate my dinner, some fruit and then closed my window.  I felt amazing all day.  Long bike ride, spinning, knitting and just felt like I was floating around in a cloud of healthyness.  I wish I could bottle how I felt.  So today is another day and I am going with the flow.  I want this to be another OMAD day, a literal OMAD day, not the 'one meals' that I have allegedly been doing which really have been one long 4 or 5 hour bingefest.   My thoughts on yesterday is that I didn't...

 Sunday 85.7 kgs It would be so easy to give this up and say it's not working.  I am so tempted to do that.  However I am not going to.  I have to tweak it till it's easy, as they say, and so that's what I'm going to do.  I also need to find the positive here and not continue to feel disappointed.  I am doing bloody brilliantly.  I am within a pound or half a kilo of my goal.  Had you asked me that day that I weighed myself and I was 96 kgs and I wanted to just crawl into a hole and curl up and never come out, would you be happy to get down to 85kgs and stay there?  I would have bitten your hands off.  I would have been thrilled to be 85 kgs.  But such is my nature I am never happy and always pushing myself to do better.  Maybe my goal at the moment should be to stay in this 85kgs place for a few weeks and to get used to maintaining it.  Well actually this week I am doing a pretty good job of maintaining my weight as I hav...

 Saturday 85.7 kgs I'm starting to have negative thoughts about this WOE which is dangerous.  I am stuck and there is a reason I am stuck.  I am not being good about snacking between my meals.  In fact I would say I am verging on bingeing.  Yesterday I fasted for 18.5 hours and then when I started eating I ate carby things and then when I had my first meal which was crispbreads and cottage cheese I just never stopped eating.  I snacked on cheese, some bacon bits, several biscuits, grapes (loads), a peach, more biscuits and more cheese.  I didn't eat much of my dinner because it was horrible but then again I didn't need to because I had been snacking so much. I need to find a way to stop this.  I need to maybe eat more at my first meal so that I am truly satisfied and then just fast until dinner.  The thing is that I wasn't actually hungry.  I was eating to fill a need.  What is that need?  Is it boredom?  Am I irritable?...

 Friday 85.7kgs It would be so easy today to be down because my numbers have gone up.  But I am getting used to my body and how it works and realise that the progress is rarely linear.  I am up 200g on yesterday but I fasted for 22 hours.  It makes you wonder how can that be?  I did eat probably too much when I broke my fast but nothing really horrific.  I did have some potatoes for my dinner and I didn't eat the protein which was salmon.  I just didn't fancy it.  Because we were at the hospital yesterday I know I didn't drink enough.  I barely drank one water bottle full.  I think this could have had a massive bearing on things.  I will drink at least 2 bottles today and maybe I will cut back on the salt a bit as yesterday at the hospital my BP was a massive 190/90.  It must have been stress because I checked it when I got home and it was 140/80 but I don't want to put any pressure on my body.  The hospital appointment wa...

 Thursday 85.5kgs We are home at last.  It has been a bit of a roller coaster as far as IF is concerned and the first few days were good.  Once we went up to Antony's it all started to go a bit wrong but I did fast for at least 16 hours every day.  I am absolutely blown away that on the scales I have only put on 300gms because I can feel in my body that my shape has changed.  My boobs are bigger.  Under my arms is bigger and definitely my belly and bum are bigger.  I won't measure but I am sure that I have put on inches.  At one point I did weigh myself at Mum's and I was 85kgs which is stupendous.  So I know that I need to get back on it and fast my way back to 85 and beyond.  I have 4 weeks till Becky comes so I want to be 84 by then.  Can I do that?  Of course I can. The Plan!   The plan is to keep fasting for at least 18 hours.  20 would be better and 22 would be amazing.  I am going to continue low carb...

 Sunday 86kgs Well seriously!  What did you expect?  Yesterday, daytime was a disaster of epic proportions and by the time I got it all back under control, the damage was well and truly done.  We did go out for a curry and I didn't have rice and I had just sparkling water to drink..... BUT..... I didn't plan for the Naan and so I ate about a quarter of it.  Hmmm.  I mean in the scheme of things I am very pleased with myself that I stuck to the plan.  I didn't have rice, I didn't drink beer and honestly I didn't miss either of them.  The curry sauce was nice but the chicken was vile.  It was obviously roasted to death and then cut into chunks and plonked in the sauce.  It was dry and tasteless.  However it was an ok night.  When we got home I did have a drink of Gin.  I really don't know why I did that.  I didn't need it and didn't really enjoy it.  I think I behave as if it is a rule.  I drank water at the r...

 Saturday 85.2 kgs ish!! I have realised that when I am out of my comfort zone ie when I am not prepared and when things get a bit random and unpredictable then I go to pieces.  I start bingeing.  I can fast for about 16-18 hours but after that, all bets are off.  I am not hungry and I am not necessarily craving, but I just want to eat.  I want the physical act of eating something.  Preferably something sweet but if that's not possible then anything will do.  If I get home from this trip to Anglesey without having put on at least 1kg then it will be a miracle.  I'm not sure how to think about this.  Do I just think to myself 'Oh well, I've had a lovely weekend.  I have fasted some and when I get to a more stable environment I will be back on it and that kg will be gone in a few days'.  Or do I beat myself to death.  Feel like a failure.  I will have still put on the kg and will feel horrible about it.  I got down to 8...

 Tuesday 85.3 kgs So yesterday was so meticulously planned down to the Nth degree.  As they say 'The best laid plans of Mice and Men'.  We went to Susie's in the morning and she was really not well.  We ended up staying there much longer than planned.  I also was going to Sally's at 3pm.  By the time we got back to Tewkesbury it was 2.15pm and so I got mum to drop me off at Sally's early.  My plan had been to eat before I went to Sal's and then there would be no pressure for me to get home again and I could spend more time with her.  I wonder if I panicked a bit because I was then going off plan?  Maybe I should have just carried on fasting until I got back to Mum's.  I didn't think it through.  Anyway at Sally's I asked her for some ham and cheese which she gave me and I ate that.  I think I broke my fast at about 16.5 hours.  They did offer me biscuits and I said 'No' which was a great achievement. Then I got home and ha...

 Monday 85.3kgs Today is a day to celebrate!  85.3 is amazing and if I keep this up I will attain my first goal by the time Becky comes on the 8th August which is what I had hoped to achieve.  So 4 weeks to get where I am going!  I am so happy about all this.  10 kgs lost.  That's 22 lbs.  That's a stone and a half.  less than 1lb to get to my first goal weight. I will have to make a plan for my next goal.  Is 80kgs too low?  80 would be amazing and only 5 more than when I had my op.  I think for now I am just going to keep going as I am and see how I get on. I am feeling really good most of the time and when I don't it's my own fault in that I have either had more than one drink in the evening or I let myself get dehydrated.  Obviously bad food choices make me feel mentally bad when my weight shoots up and undoes all my good work.  The thing is it is not the end of the world as long as I get back on it but it takes so lon...

 Sunday 85.7 kgs Gonna be brief tonight because I am tired. Today was a good day.  I had a plan about how it was going to go and I stuck to it.  I drank black coffee and was fine apart from about half an hour when Mum and I were at the garden centre and I could feel my head go a bit fuzzy and I could feel my eyes going out of focus.  I had some pink salt and eventually it resolved.  A clue here is that we went off shopping and were walking around the shopping centre so it may have been that getting moving helped shake it off.  This kind of supports my thoughts about drinking coffee when we are out on the bike.  Anyway we got home at 3.30 pm and I had a snack of cheeses and prawns and broke my 20.5 hour fast.  All really good.  Tonight I had two fillet steaks with some salad and then closed my window.  I've been saving up the brine from the olives so am happy to try that tomorrow.   I've started taking some Vit D2 and Vit K2 tab...

Friday 86 kgs I am having to type this offline as we are on the ferry with no wifi.  This is a bit of a pain because I can't look back at yesterdays which seems like days ago!   Yesterday was a loooong day.  We left home at 10.30am and except for 2 short 20 minute stops we drove almost continuously until about 8pm.  I was exhausted and in a really, really bad space.  I was irritable and growling.  I was so pissed off. I was hungry too.  I did end my fast at about 2pm and ate some of the omelette I had prepared.  I was hungry and bloody bored too.  It's not much fun in the passenger seat and I was going to bring some spinning and didn't in the end so |I read a bit of my bingeing book and listen to a Podcast but generally I was bored.  I took lots of salt and also drank lots of water but it didn't seem to work.  However, when I did eat I only ate Fat Fast. By the time we got to Ouistraham I was really chewing my arm off and I am ...