I'm not going back! with evening update. 85.7kgs

 Sunday 85.7 kgs

It would be so easy to give this up and say it's not working.  I am so tempted to do that.  However I am not going to.  I have to tweak it till it's easy, as they say, and so that's what I'm going to do.  I also need to find the positive here and not continue to feel disappointed.  I am doing bloody brilliantly.  I am within a pound or half a kilo of my goal.  Had you asked me that day that I weighed myself and I was 96 kgs and I wanted to just crawl into a hole and curl up and never come out, would you be happy to get down to 85kgs and stay there?  I would have bitten your hands off.  I would have been thrilled to be 85 kgs.  But such is my nature I am never happy and always pushing myself to do better.  Maybe my goal at the moment should be to stay in this 85kgs place for a few weeks and to get used to maintaining it.  Well actually this week I am doing a pretty good job of maintaining my weight as I have stayed exactly the same for the whole week.  

I want to explore some thoughts here.  I want to explore the amount I am eating.  Yesterday I ate under 1,200 calories which in normal circumstances should be enough to lose weight if you subscribe to CICO.      I don't believe that CICO works so that's why I am doing IF.  I do believe in low carb with high fat and medium protein.  I might have to rethink this or maybe be more honest about what and how I am eating.  I am eating fruit which is carb heavy.  I am eating a lot of fat.  If I reflect on the week at mum's when I did really well and went down to 85 kgs I was eating steak and eggs and butter and not a lot else.  I think that I have to get back to that.  TMAD and BBBE.  I felt good too.  There is a tickle in the back of my mind that I am not eating enough.  That cannot be true though as I am stuffed sometimes after dinner.  I just graze on things that I shouldn't.  I wish I was like all the FFR people who say they eat just what they want and just fast for the rest of the time.  Maybe if I could do OMAD.  I just can't seem to get beyond 20 hours.  As always I need a plan and a firm plan at that.  Today I will have bacon and avocado for lunch.  For dinner we have Chicken which I will fry.  We are going out on the bike today so I must drink plenty of water too.

I can do this.  I just need to keep writing my thoughts.  I need to keep being positive because I have done so well.  10 kgs - 22lbs - a stone and a half since 10th April is amazing.  That is half a stone a month!  I must be realistic and not get despondent when things are not linear.  This way of life is going to be forever.  I will be able to have days when I break out of it but the majority of the time I will be fasting and then feasting.

Today I am grateful for

My spinning wheel which has given me something to occupy my bored mind.  I have spun a lovely collection of fleece from my stash which I am knitting into a test square at the moment.  It is beautiful and soft and I made it!!

My skill at spinning.  I have not lost any of my skills considering I haven't done any for at least a year I reckon.

This beautiful weather which gives us an opportunity to get outside and move our bodies on the bike.  

UPDATE AT 4.45PM

It's now 4.45pm and I am still fasting.  21.5 hours and I feel really good.  I have a slight feeling of hunger but nothing too bad.  I am just starting to feel a bit shaky in the last few minutes.  That may be because I am having a cup of coffee.  I might try to have some pink salt right now and see if that feeling goes.  I do feel energised and I feel kind of in control.  I feel complete in my skin.  I wish I knew how to describe the feelings I have about how my body feels.  I am ultra grown up.  I am tidying up and feeling like I am sweeping along.  It's all very strange.  I feel like I am taking up less space and my clothes are fitting me better.  I feel like I think a thin person would feel.  We went out for a 50k ride on the tandem today and it felt so good after having over 2 weeks away from it.  I really enjoyed it.  I know Mike was putting in way more effort than me and I think he was doing it to stop me doing so much after the visit to the hospital.  When I got home I weighed myself and it was 84.8 kgs.  I am sure it won't be there tomorrow but it makes me realise that exercise is part of the answer to this journey I am on.

I have found a knew podcast today which I am really enjoying.  It's called the Monday Mindset Podcast.  They are having some brilliant ideas and when I listen I must make some notes.  

Ok that's enough for today I think and hopefully when I write tomorrow I will have some uplifting news.

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