Dealing with the consequences of actions. 86kgs

 Sunday 86kgs

Well seriously!  What did you expect?  Yesterday, daytime was a disaster of epic proportions and by the time I got it all back under control, the damage was well and truly done.  We did go out for a curry and I didn't have rice and I had just sparkling water to drink..... BUT..... I didn't plan for the Naan and so I ate about a quarter of it.  Hmmm.  I mean in the scheme of things I am very pleased with myself that I stuck to the plan.  I didn't have rice, I didn't drink beer and honestly I didn't miss either of them.  The curry sauce was nice but the chicken was vile.  It was obviously roasted to death and then cut into chunks and plonked in the sauce.  It was dry and tasteless.  However it was an ok night.  When we got home I did have a drink of Gin.  I really don't know why I did that.  I didn't need it and didn't really enjoy it.  I think I behave as if it is a rule.  I drank water at the restaurant and so I deserve an alcoholic drink now.  The upshot was I had a really bad nights sleep.  I don't know if that is because of the Gin or the curry.  The lesson to learn is to plan, plan and plan again.  Then to think, think and think again.  Do I really want this?  Is this the best thing I could eat now?

I need to think about the daytime thing more.  The trouble is that it is over and so it is past and do I need to think about it?  I do need to think about it because I just couldn't switch off my eating head.  What did I do to quiet that whining voice in my head?  The entitled, deserving voice that keeps on and on.  Just one more biscuit, just a cup of tea so that I can have 4 more biscuits, just a handful or more of crisps, just this sausage roll that Mum bought for us and so I can't not eat it, she would be so upset and hurt if I didn't eat it.  No she wouldn't.  She never need have known.  There was plenty of worthy food in the fridge I could have eaten and I would have enjoyed it more.  I think I need to blog when I feel  like that and to write down why I am justifying eating those things which are putting me back several steps.  I know how long it took me to get from 86 to 85.  All that up and down and praying to see those numbers on their own with no .6 or .4 or .2.  The feeling of joy and excitement when I saw 85 and no point something.  Now I have to go back and start again to get there and I am sure it will be at least the middle of next week until I see 85 and no point something.

The plan today is to fast as long as possible.  I didn't start my fasting until at least 10pm but that is because of the Gin.  I finished eating at probably 9pm.  Another reason I shouldn't have had the Gin.  I am going to just try hard today with whatever comes along.  We are meeting Antony and Sara this afternoon and I am not really sure what the plan is.  I am going to go with the flow and get back right at it on BBBE from tomorrow.  That way I can extend my fasting more easily in the days that follow because I will not have eaten carbs.  I will not throw caution to the wind today but will do the best I can to get things under control.  This is so hard but I can do it.  I need to get my PIG under control.  I don't like the PIG thing so I need to think of another name or character for it.  I can't call it Helene, much as I want to.  What about my HOG?  The HOG wants me to eat some biscuits.  I need to think on this and maybe finish reading the book.

Today I am grateful for

This beautiful weather which has been unexpected and so it is a treat.

My new slimmer figure which makes me feel really confident wearing a vest top and shorts and not feeling like a hephalump.   Maybe calling my PIG a HEPHALUMP?

Just life.... Life is good and I am blessed.

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