Here we go again - With later updates x2 85.7 kgs

 Saturday 85.7 kgs

I'm starting to have negative thoughts about this WOE which is dangerous.  I am stuck and there is a reason I am stuck.  I am not being good about snacking between my meals.  In fact I would say I am verging on bingeing.  Yesterday I fasted for 18.5 hours and then when I started eating I ate carby things and then when I had my first meal which was crispbreads and cottage cheese I just never stopped eating.  I snacked on cheese, some bacon bits, several biscuits, grapes (loads), a peach, more biscuits and more cheese.  I didn't eat much of my dinner because it was horrible but then again I didn't need to because I had been snacking so much.

I need to find a way to stop this.  I need to maybe eat more at my first meal so that I am truly satisfied and then just fast until dinner.  The thing is that I wasn't actually hungry.  I was eating to fill a need.  What is that need?  Is it boredom?  Am I irritable?  Do I just want the pleasure of eating?  Is it to occupy my mouth?  I think it is all of the above.  When I was busy the day before and we were at the hospital I was able to fast for longer and even though I had access to some food that I took with me I didn't actually eat it.  

My plan today is to fast as long after 18 hours as I possibly can.  Then I will break my fast with eggs and something like corned beef I think.  Then dinner tonight will be the horrible lamb steaks I didn't eat yesterday but recooked and hopefully much nicer.  I will have some fruit after.  No biscuits and no cake and no cheese or other snacks in between.  I have decided to do some spinning today so that will keep me occupied as I need to prepare the fleece first.  

I also plan to listen to some more fasting podcasts as I need to keep focussed.  Some people are extraordinarily lucky in that they can fast for 18 hours and then eat normally and they will lose weight.  I can't do that.  I have to eat low carb and probably if I am really honest I need to eat lower fat.  I should do some more research in my WOE with that.  Should I try higher fat, very low carb and medium protein?  This is a process and it is forever.  I had that realisation yesterday when I was reading something.  I am forever going to be eating in the way.  I will never have breakfast, lunch and dinner again.  I will never eat like a normal person again.  However, how badly do I want this weight loss?  Badly.  I badly want to be 80 kgs and I want to stay there.  I want to be fitter, stronger, healthier.  I want to look in the mirror or at photographs and to like what I see.  I am getting there and I can do this.

I will check in here regularly I think and update with how it's going.  There is no limit to how often I can write in here and if it keeps me accountable then that is a good thing.

Today I am grateful for

Cool weather.  It has rained overnight and more is expected today.  This is good for the garden and we are expecting massive temps next week which will make life very difficult.  So the cool of today is welcome.

The bond I have with my husband.  We do have difficult days but mostly things are calm and loving and if we do fall off the island occasionally we do find ways to get back on there and get in sync once again.

Paracetamol.  The thing that is keeping me from going nuts with the pain in my shoulder and neck.  Hopefully next week when I see the Kine I will have some answers.

I'll be back later to update on fasting hours and snacking.  Accountability is the key.

UPDATE

Ok so it's now 1pm and I am starving.  I mean really sicky hungry.  I do feel a bit shaky but I have been busy and so I haven't drank much except for 2 black coffees.  I've just had a swig of brine and have filled my bottle and am going to drink that in the next 20 mins.  I have fasted for 17.5 hours which is nowhere near enough.  I can and will do another hour at least.  I have got this.  I can do this and I can do it easily.  I have been blending some wool this morning and just started spinning it.  This keeps my hands busy.  I am also listening to podcasts which keeps my mind busy.  

How badly do you want this Gail?  How badly do you want to be 84 kgs by the time Becky comes?  I really, really do want to be 84 kgs by the time Becky comes.  I can do this.  I have 3 weeks.  3 weeks to lose 2.5 lbs.  500 grams a week!  It is infinitely doable.  just stick with the system.  Fast and then feast on a Keto regime.  No snacking, no sugar, no carbs.

I will check back in later.  Be accountable.

UPDATE 2

It's 4pm and I have ended my fast at just over 20 hours.  It was hard and my head was doing a foxtrot and I felt quite stressed.  I did drink water and brine and at the 19 hour mark I did have a spoonful of butter.  I feel quite pleased with myself as the last 2.5 hours were hard.  But I got there.  I am very proud of myself.  I think if I hadn't been updating here I might have caved.

So I ate some peanuts, cottage cheese, some lardons and some mayo.  Afterwards I had a piece of cheddar.  So now I need to not snack until dinner in 3 hours time.  I have the lamb from yesterday which I have done with some carrots, onions and courgettes and made some gravy.  I may have a peach and some grapes afterwards.  I need to eat plenty but sensibly and then close my window as soon as possible.  I'll update before bed if possible.