Women plan, God laughs! 85.3kgs

 Tuesday 85.3 kgs

So yesterday was so meticulously planned down to the Nth degree.  As they say 'The best laid plans of Mice and Men'.  We went to Susie's in the morning and she was really not well.  We ended up staying there much longer than planned.  I also was going to Sally's at 3pm.  By the time we got back to Tewkesbury it was 2.15pm and so I got mum to drop me off at Sally's early.  My plan had been to eat before I went to Sal's and then there would be no pressure for me to get home again and I could spend more time with her.  I wonder if I panicked a bit because I was then going off plan?  Maybe I should have just carried on fasting until I got back to Mum's.  I didn't think it through.  Anyway at Sally's I asked her for some ham and cheese which she gave me and I ate that.  I think I broke my fast at about 16.5 hours.  They did offer me biscuits and I said 'No' which was a great achievement.

Then I got home and had some cottage cheese with some cheddar.  Not too much but enough to tide me till dinner time.  I had a Gin for an apero.  Wish I hadn't but it seems to be a habit I can't break.  Then dinner.  I did have a spoonful of mashed potatoes but the rest was fine.  I just cannot resist some things.  I am so flipping weak.  I had 2 chocolate digestives before I closed my window.  Anyway the reason for listing it all is that I was soooo uncomfortable for the rest of the evening.  Even when we went to bed I felt like I had an elephant in my stomach.  I'm not sure what was going on.  Was it bloating?  Was it overeating?  Was it discomfort from a reaction to the carbs in the mash and the biscuits.  All I do know is that I was sooo uncomfortable.  I wanted to turn the clock back and start again.  I was trying to pinpoint at which point the discomfort started and I think it was before I ate the biscuits (and yet I still bloody ate them!).  I need to be more mindful when I eat.  I need to check in with myself all the time and how my body is reacting to what I am swallowing.  This morning I actually still feel kind of full.  I feel like it might just be a baby elephant now in my belly but it is still there.  I am just also getting 'hunger' pangs.  They really cannot be hunger signals.  I have to ignore it because the other feeling is that there is absolutely no room for food in there.

Todays plan.  We are going to walk into town for a wander round and for a coffee which is pretty straightforward.  I will do the Brine and salt and plenty of water for the rest of the day and then go till at least 4pm before I eat.  We are supposed to be living out of the fridge for dinner tonight which might be difficult but there are eggs and cheese and lots of bacon so I can easily make something out of that.  Today should really be an easy, no stress day.  The plan is simple.  Fast and then feast.  

Today I am grateful for

My sister.  That she fights so hard to live and she is still with us.  I do miss her.

Fasting.  Even when a day doesn't go so well I can get back on the horse and no harm is done in the long term.  My efforts show on the scales each morning and show me how well I've done.  I just have to own my slips.

This Blog.  This is really turning into such a useful tool. I can examine my steps every day and I can be very honest about things.  Only I can see it.  I can examine my thoughts and processes.  Maybe when I am making the decisions to go off plan I should examine them more and write about them on here. I should write about how I justify my decisions at the time and not the next day when I have forgotten the minutiae. 


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