IF a journey to health and well-being

 Tuesday, but really Wednesday.  No weigh today Today I fasted for quite a long time.  I did about 24 hours but I did have a slice of ham at about 22 hours to keep me going.  I'm not too bothered about the hours to be honest.  I just fasted with a little bit of help and it was easy.  I didn't drink a lot of water nor have loads of salt although I wanted them.  I went into town and toilets are not easy so I didn't drink much. I am very stressed right now and I am surprised that in view of that I didn't eat.  It just shows that I can do it.   I have a new pig.  I just imagine this big fat greedy guts stuffing her face.  Her fat piggy face. She is a glutton and stuffs food in and it is revolting to watch.  Well that is my pig.  I keep picturing her stuffing her fat mouth at the trough.  I need to get her under control and back into her pen.  I keep refining the image and so when my stressed thoughts come I try ...

 Monday 85.3kgs So I am not doing too well right now.  Yesterday was totally out of control and I broke my fast after only 16 hours because I was so hungry.  Once I started eating I just couldn't stop.  I even ate a bloody Oreo muffin.  WTF was that about?  I ate several digestive biscuits during the day.  I didn't feel needy, I didn't feel desperate, I just wanted them and so I ate them.  I never stopped eating.  I ate peanuts, I ate crisps, I ate chocolate.  I ate 2 pork chops for my dinner and I was not at all hungry and had to force them down but I wanted to eat them. I just don't understand what is going on with my head and my need to keep bloody eating. Just stuffing crap into my mouth like a big fat greedy pig.  Maybe I should hold that image.  The big fat greedy pig with my face stuffing the food in.  Getting up to the trough and shovelling it all in.  That was me yesterday.  I keep using the excuse that ...

 Friday 84.6kgs 84.6 is good.  It's only 100g but it's much better than 100g up! Yesterday was not a bad day.  I drank bone broth and just ate in the evening. I had a steak and some green beans and a piece of melon and a few squares (for few read too many) of chocolate.  So today I am going to eat 2 meals.  Late lunch and dinner.  I will probably have sardines and eggs for lunch and for dinner it is steak.  I probably wont have anything with the steak except maybe some salad. I was really not that hungry at dinner time last night.  I have this mental block where if there is food in the fridge that might spoil and maybe I had half a plan that if I was going to eat I would eat whatever that thing is in the fridge then I have to eat it.  Even if I was thinking I could do a ADF I would have a plan that if I was desperate then I would eat ................. (insert food of choice).  So by the time I get to dinner time when I should just carry ...

 Thursday 84.7kgs I have long had a theory that the less time the fat is on your body, the easier it is to lose it and thank god, I think it is proving true right now.  I know that most of the weight I gained is water and that will come off really quick but also a percentage of that weight must be fat as well.  It is just sooo hot.  It is well over 40 degrees and whilst I seriously do want to do some Pilates and walking it is just too hot.  I am staying in doors right now with the fan on.  It makes life a bit harder in that I need to occupy myself and I usually do that outside the house but I am doing my best. Today is not being as easy as the last 2 days.  I want to do OMAD for a few days but today I am hungry.  I haven't been hungry the last 2 days.  That said, yesterday I really did not eat a great deal.  I ate crispbreads and pate and jambon.  Not healthy, not filling and not low carb.  Today I have some steaks out for dinn...

 Wednesday 85.4kgs We got back from our trip away on Monday and yesterday I got straight back on the horse as they say. I weighed  when I got up and I was 85.8kgs. That was a bit of a shock but not really.  If I was being honest I was lucky it was only 3 kgs.  It could easily have been much more.  I ate everything I wanted including bread, potatoes, chips, ice-cream and lots more besides.  In didn't feel bad about it, I felt determined to get back to where I was.  Before Becky and Ollie came I got down to 82.9kgs.  I think I was a fair bit lower than that on one day and probably about 82.4kgs but I didn't record it.  It is what it is and I am here to continue my experiment in weight loss and good health through fasting.  It's all a work in progress and a learning curve.   We had a busy day yesterday anyway as I had an MRI scan at Angouleme on my neck.  Then we shot into Aldi and I did some shopping and then home and just s...

 Wednesday 84.9kgs It has been a roller coaster this week.  I'm not sure what has been going on but I am wondering if it is to do with the steroids?  I can't stop eating.  All the time I am hunting for food.  I feel really unwell.  I have had a migraine for 2 days which made me sleep almost non stop.   I have eaten so much shit.  Loads of carbs, bread, nuts, crisps, ice creams.  Seriously!!  So this morning I weighed and I am not over the 85 and so to be honest this does bring me some peace.   Today I have had some bone broth and just nibbled on some very well done lardons.  This has actually made me feel ok and not want to eat bread etc.   Tomorrow we are off to the camping site with Becky, Ollie and the kids and it is probably going to be difficult as far as eating is concerned.  I have a few things in the freezer that I might take but they are a black bean stew which I will do with wraps and salad an...

 Sunday not weighing. So life has been a bit stressful for me the last few days and yesterday it was an all out meltdown.  I had the worst migraine I have ever had.  Not a lot of headache but severe confusion, disturbed vision, generally feeling unwell and tired.  I slept all afternoon.  I'm not actually sure which was the cause and effect.  It was probably the food that I ate.  I started off by eating a piece of home made bread for breakfast.  I never eat breakfast but for some reason, whether it was the comfort I needed or what I do not know but I do know that I just had to eat that lovely piece of a home made semi complet bread.  It was really nice but within a very short time I did not feel very well.  I started to get disturbed vision and then I just couldn't think properly.  I was reading and the words just didn't make sense.  It was all very odd.  The worst part was that for the rest of the day except when I was in ...

 Thursday 10th 83.2 kgs What a roller coaster.  I had it all under control and was really doing well with my fasting until yesterday when our visitors arrived and I had a bit of a meltdown and just started  bingeing.  I ate everything in sight.  Cheddar biscuits, bread, gin and before I went to bed I had two glasses of whisky.  Hmmm.  Not good and I really hardly slept at all.  It serves me right but I did eat right when I ate at meal times so I suppose that is a positive.  I am not beating myself to death about it.  It is what it is and I am back on it today.  I am trying to utilise the new mindfulness lessons I am learning from Sam Harris and trying look at it as an interested observer.  I have a way to go but if by the time we get back from our holiday with them I have not gone up above 85kgs which was my initial goal for when they got here then I will be very happy. They have all gone out for the day now and we are planning...

 Monday 82.9 kgs This started turning into a bit of a roller coaster and I was getting myself in a bit of a knot and so I decided to take a couple of days off.  I was weighing myself obsessively and at one point one evening I went up to 85kgs and I felt really terrible.  It was all I could do not to go and start bingeing in some kinda style.  The only good thing is that there is very little that I would want to binge on in the house.  I fell totally off the rails on Friday and then on Saturday I felt horrible and very low.  I did eat mostly low carb all day but then had 2 glasses of fizz.   So yesterday I decided to just take it easy.  No plan.  No hours objective I would just drink water, eat salt, drink coffee and see what happened.  For some reason I fasted really easily all day until Dinner time so eventually I did 22 hours.  I ate a bit of a mish mash for dinner because I got something out of the freezer and didn't really ...

 Friday 83.9kgs Not much to say today.  It's a process and it's NOT YET working!  But it might.  I kinda blew it last night.  I did everything I said I would right up until I was preparing dinner.  I had been out to the doctors and then came back and Mike had decided to revarnish the work tops and so I was not allowed to go anywhere near the one on the sink/cooker side because they were wet.  I lost it.  I was so flippin' angry and I mean angry.  What on earth was he thinking of doing it at 5pm?  He knew I was cooking something different for dinner.  Well I thought he knew I was cooking dinner because after all I cook every night!  I really was cross and let him know it and then went on a binge!!  I mean WTF?  How can a varnished worktop make me binge?  I ate a load of those little cheese biscuits and had a large gin and then another smaller one.  Actually far too much gin.  It did make me feel better a...

 Thursday 83.7 kgs To be fair it might have been 83.9 because I literally jumped on and off quickly.  Hey ho.  At least it doesn't have a 4 in it.   Yesterday was a strange day.  I decided to try and fast as long as I could with just using training wheels.  So I had tiny snacks of lardons and cheese and tried to keep going.  It wasn't brilliant but it soothed my mind.  It got me to thinking.  I cannot go for long fasts without a lot of suffering mentally. (By long fasts I mean going over 18 or 20 hours. )  I mean really suffering mentally.  This has to be a way of life.  It has to be do-able.  It has to work and if it doesn't then I will not stick to it.  I understand DDD but it has to be mentally attainable.  So I am thinking of a strategy which involves fasting for as long as I can whilst still maintaining my sanity.  I am going to try this out over the next few days and see how it works.   ...

 Wednesday 83.6kgs Going back down slowly.  I think I am going to have to change things up.  I do not want another day like yesterday ever again.  This has to be do-able or it's just not going to work.  I have to be able to live my life around IF.  Yesterday was horrible and I felt horrible.  Maybe I am a bit under the weather and I am really not sleeping at all well due to my shoulder.  Last night I slept very badly and I have a lot of pain today.  I have eaten a piece of cheese this morning to take some painkillers with.  I do feel quite low and miserable again.  What I wouldn't give for a plate of buttered toast and a cup of good coffee with cream in it.  But that is a step way too far in the other direction.  I won't do that.  However one thing that yesterday taught me is that I really only need to eat a tiny amount to feel satisfied mentally and physically.  It is mostly mental.  It feels like my mind i...

 Tuesday 84.1kgs Seriously OUCH!!! How the bloody hell am I back up here?  I was really good yesterday and didn't snack between meals, ate pretty low carb and nothing else and today I am up over a kilo in two days.  Today is a fasting day and I seriously might just try and do more.  I am off track on my ADF because I didn't feel brilliant yesterday so didn't fast.  Also I was supposed to be going to Pat's leaving lunch on Friday but it is now cancelled so I could have fasted then.  I need to work this out as I would like to get some good fasting in this week and get this moving before the visitors arrive next week. Today is Tuesday and I am going to fast until tomorrow at least 2pm for 42.   7pm for 48 or 9am on Thursday for 62.  Seriously I don't think that is going to happen.  The most I can do this week is really long daily fasts today and Thursday.  2MAD on Wednesday and maybe OMAD on Friday.  Then 2MAD's on Saturday and Su...