Time out 82.9kgs

 Monday 82.9 kgs

This started turning into a bit of a roller coaster and I was getting myself in a bit of a knot and so I decided to take a couple of days off.  I was weighing myself obsessively and at one point one evening I went up to 85kgs and I felt really terrible.  It was all I could do not to go and start bingeing in some kinda style.  The only good thing is that there is very little that I would want to binge on in the house.  I fell totally off the rails on Friday and then on Saturday I felt horrible and very low.  I did eat mostly low carb all day but then had 2 glasses of fizz.  

So yesterday I decided to just take it easy.  No plan.  No hours objective I would just drink water, eat salt, drink coffee and see what happened.  For some reason I fasted really easily all day until Dinner time so eventually I did 22 hours.  I ate a bit of a mish mash for dinner because I got something out of the freezer and didn't really know what it was.  Stuffed squid and it was vile so I didn't eat much of it.  Instead I had one of my home made burgers from the day before.  I also had a load of grapes and then that was that.  This morning I have weighed and all the weight from my stupid overeating and over-drinking has gone.

Today I will do a 2MAD and then see what happens the next day.  One thing I did yesterday which may have made it easier was that I measured out a tsp of salt and I did eat it regularly.  I think I am getting way to obsessed with this and I need to step back a little bit from the constant weighing and planning.  I am good when I plan but I know I also can become obsessed.  I know the rules of this plan from top to bottom, inside and out, back to front so I really don't need to be so obsessed.

Something else which happened yesterday was that my BS was very high (for me).  It started off at 5.9, then went up to 6.7 and then went up to 9.2 after eating.  I will keep an eye on it today.

I have a busy day today as I am starting to get the house ready for our visitors and we might go out for a bike ride this afternoon.  I'm not pressuring myself.  If it gets done it gets done.

Today I am grateful for 

Finding Sam Harris and his meditation stuff.  I really like his way and his words.  Sometimes he loses me with his high brow thinking but most of the time I find his voice quite calming and soothing. 

The peace I know I can find inside me.  

That I am prepared to do the work that it will take not only to lose weight but to work on myself to find joy and happiness and peace.  I wish so much I could pass this on to some of my family.

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