Back to basics with updates 85.3kgs

 Monday 85.3kgs

So I am not doing too well right now.  Yesterday was totally out of control and I broke my fast after only 16 hours because I was so hungry.  Once I started eating I just couldn't stop.  I even ate a bloody Oreo muffin.  WTF was that about?  I ate several digestive biscuits during the day.  I didn't feel needy, I didn't feel desperate, I just wanted them and so I ate them.  I never stopped eating.  I ate peanuts, I ate crisps, I ate chocolate.  I ate 2 pork chops for my dinner and I was not at all hungry and had to force them down but I wanted to eat them.
I just don't understand what is going on with my head and my need to keep bloody eating. Just stuffing crap into my mouth like a big fat greedy pig.  Maybe I should hold that image.  The big fat greedy pig with my face stuffing the food in.  Getting up to the trough and shovelling it all in.  That was me yesterday.  I keep using the excuse that I don't feel well and on Saturday I really didn't feel well.  I felt really unwell and used that excuse to eat because I thought it would make me feel better and it probably did.  Maybe it wasn't the eating that made me feel better.  Maybe time just went on and I had a sleep and I felt better but I reconciled myself to the fact that the eating made me feel better and fasting is making me ill.  

I need to think this all through and keep trying.  I know I need to do low carb or even no carb.  It suits me and I usually feel good on it and it allows me to eat a larger portion.  My problem comes when I fall off the Ketovore wagon and eat carbs because it is high fat and high calorie and so when I eat carbs I immediately pile on weight.  I have to get my head sorted.  I can eat loads of Ketovore or carnivore but I cannot eat carbs.  If I eat carbs I totally stash on fat.  
Someone put a reply on something on one of the FB groups yesterday about having gone on holiday and eaten off the keto/fasting/carnivore WOE my body is no longer fat adapted, ie not using fat stores as fuel.  It has gone back to burning the glycogen in my liver and muscles instead of the fat from my fat cells.  They said I need to go back to the 28 day reset.  I cannot buy another book but I think that I need to think about that and gradually ease myself back to full carni/keto and to fasting.

Something else I thought about is that yesterday I could quite easily have not eaten any dinner as I wasn't hungry.  Maybe I should think about being more flexible with my eating window?  None of the food I eat takes long to cook and if it does then I can think ahead.  ie I need to get it out of the freezer and have a plan for cooking.  I need to use the air fryer more often to do things like chicken thighs or pork chops.  Quick and easy and ready in 30 mins.  Mike can eat at 7 if he wants but I will eat when I need to and then finish.  It's a plan but not easy.  I have to make this work.  I only need to lose another 5kgs.  I must be committed and I must know that if I go off piste it will bite me in the arse.  In my big fat wobbly arse.

I really hate being this fat.  I cannot bear to look in the mirror when I am this fat.  I hate myself.  I feel ugly and unlovable when I am this fat.  I felt so good 3 weeks ago and then it all went wrong because I didn't stick to the plan.

Where am I going with this today.  I have a load of beef bone broth in the fridge which I will have until I break my fast.  I have some chicken thighs which I made bone broth from and I will eat for my lunch.  We are planning to go out for a bike ride this afternoon when it dries up a bit.  I am going to go and do some pilates now for half an hour as I need to get back into that.  I will also get my vibrating plate out and do 10 mins on that.  
If I feel the need to eat early then I will.  I have some sausages and I will have them with some eggs and cheese.  I do not need to feel hungry.  I can eat as much as I want of the keto things I like.  Mike has a chilli all ready to eat and I can prepare that for him no matter what time I have eaten.

I say it every day or every few days that I am not going to weigh myself and I fail miserably and end up weighing myself at least once a day and usually I can end up weighing 3  times a day.  I don't know what miracle I think I am going to see but it never happens.   My 3 times a day necessity is writing in this blog and making myself accountable.  I can write in here 3 times a day.  Morning, late afternoon and evening would be good.  Being honest and accountable.

My plan is
Drink at least 3 bottles of water                                             Check
Eat at least 1 tsp salt
Pilates                                                                                     Check
Vibroplate                                                                               Check
Fast as long as I can                                                               16 hours but we were going out for a cycle
Eat just chicken, sausages, eggs
Eat when I am really hungry and eat plenty. 
Stop eating when I am full
Do not eat in between meals
Don't eat if I am not hungry
Come back later and write in here                                          Check
Don't weigh tomorrow

UPDATE 1:

I read this today and might adopt it 
BECOME THE WOMAN WHO GETS COMFORT AND POWER IN THE STATE OF HUNGRY
Do not be the woman who gets comfort from food and alcohol.  I am the woman who when I feel hungry or stressed or irritable I turn to food and also to alcohol for comfort.  These are words to really think about.

UPDATE 2:

We've been out for a ride on the tandem.  I didn't particularly enjoy it because I do not have any energy.  We did 23 kms and I was glad to get home. It was very windy so I felt we were into the headwind all the time.
I only fasted for 16 hours today but I am going to have my dinner very shortly and then close my window.   Hopefully this will mean that tomorrow I will fast for longer.  I am going to aim for 20 hours a day and try and stick to that.
I might copy and paste my list above into tomorrows blog and maybe try and tweak it.  It won't be the same every day but I am going to try for a core of things.

Pilates
Vibro
20 hours fasting
Don't eat if not hungry
Don't eat in between meals
Drink 3 bottles of water a day
Eat half a tsp of salt a day
Eat only when I am really hungry and eat plenty of protein and fat
Stop eating when I am full
Don't weigh tomorrow


Today I am grateful for
My dog
My husband
My life





Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Week 5 and dose increase - 89kgs 14 st

 Gosh this is so tough.  I read all these people who are losing shed loads of weight and have no food noise and have to force themselves to eat.  If only! I have learned a saying whilst on the FB grou0s and that is 'Comparison is the theif of joy'.  This is so true.  I'll tell you something else that is the their of joy...l the bloody scales.  There is nothing more guaranteed to make you feel like crying than that square foot of glass.  But hey ho it is what it is. So today is the first of the 5mg dose.  I have to admit I am scared and really i had planned to take it yesterday but kept putting it off.  This morning I knew I had to do it and so I did the full 5ml into my belly.  I had been toying with the idea of doing a 3/4 dose but I am paying all this money to lose weight and it needs to bloody happen, otherwise it's just a waste of time and money.  There is still some liquid in the 2.5ml pen and I feel passed off that I might hav...
Read more

Week 6 - 5mg - 88.3kgs 13 st 12lb Read this often!!

 It's not exactly going fast.  I find it so disheartening when I read the massive losses people are having on the lower dose and on this dose but in only a couple of weeks.  It is what it is.  I am not exercising but I am so fucking tired all the time. I don't seem to have the energy for exercise.  I am trying to be careful about calorie intake and also protein but maybe I am not as careful as I could be.  I am not starving and I am trying to make this a way of eating that is sustainable.  I don't want to be not eating bread for the rest of my life.  If I want a bit of bread then I can have it after of course considering how the day is going. I weighed myself 2 days ago and I was 87.2kgs.  OMG I wanted to cry.  Sadly it didn't last as you can see from the numbers at the top.  I do reckon that alcohol is something which affects my weight loss.  I have not drunk wine and only had spirits with water.  Either vodka or spiced r...
Read more

Week 2 - 90 kgs 14 st 2lbs

Image
 Week 2 Last week was quite surprising as I really had no side effects but also didn't have any positive effects like food noise reducing.   Well I don't think I did.   I did eat more healthily though.  I ate what I wanted and had bread and chocolate but not in excess and I think am thinking about food differently.   A couple of times I have left food on my plate, and a couple of times I have thrown food away where normally I would have forced myself to finish whatever was on my plate and I would definitely have put it in the fridge for later.  The scales have gone down but as they are mechanical scales it's hard to say exactly how much.  Today I took a photo of the scales so that I can compare. I think I have lost 2lbs but that is fine because at no time was I feeling like I was on a diet or deprived.
Read more