Pain and no sleep. 83.6kgs

 Wednesday 83.6kgs

Going back down slowly.  I think I am going to have to change things up.  I do not want another day like yesterday ever again.  This has to be do-able or it's just not going to work.  I have to be able to live my life around IF.  Yesterday was horrible and I felt horrible.  Maybe I am a bit under the weather and I am really not sleeping at all well due to my shoulder.  Last night I slept very badly and I have a lot of pain today.  I have eaten a piece of cheese this morning to take some painkillers with.  I do feel quite low and miserable again.  What I wouldn't give for a plate of buttered toast and a cup of good coffee with cream in it.  But that is a step way too far in the other direction.  I won't do that.  However one thing that yesterday taught me is that I really only need to eat a tiny amount to feel satisfied mentally and physically.  It is mostly mental.  It feels like my mind is spinning and grinding and very tortured.  I don't want to get in the habit that every time it feels like this I can stop it by eating.  I know that if I go out and do some exercise then that will stop the mental thing.  It's just not appropriate every time.  As it wasn't last night.  I felt so tired and I could have gone for a walk with the dog but I just couldn't muster the energy.  By the time I did eat something which was at bedtime it was the only thing left to do.  I felt so much better when I had eaten.

Today we are going shopping and I think I will be fine until we come back.  I have had the cheese and painkillers and that will do me until much later when I need to take more tablets.  I have to get this pain under control.

Mike is cooking a Spanish omelette tonight for dinner with green beans and my plan is to eat with him.  I will go as long as possible today without eating and when I do I will just have a very small snack to stave off the hunger until dinner time.  I can't do more than that.  I don't think there will be exercise today except for walking whilst I am shopping.

I want to think about the not sleeping thing.  I have heard on The Fasting Method Podcast that sleep is really important and that not sleeping spikes your Cortisol.  I am sure that Cortisol is my problem.  I get the symptoms and feelings that it is a diabetic hypo or hyper but I have no signs of that on the tester.  I am pretty convinced it is the Cortisol and that I am very sensitive to it.  After years of suffering from anxiety which was produced from massive stress then it has probably made me very sensitive to it.  I never do well if I haven't slept well. 

The weather today is really grotty.  It's very cool and raining and it is very windy.

Today I am grateful for 

Painkillers

Extra strong voltarol gel

That I am retired and don't have to go to work today.


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