Back on the horse! 85.4kgs

 Wednesday 85.4kgs

We got back from our trip away on Monday and yesterday I got straight back on the horse as they say. I weighed  when I got up and I was 85.8kgs. That was a bit of a shock but not really.  If I was being honest I was lucky it was only 3 kgs.  It could easily have been much more.  I ate everything I wanted including bread, potatoes, chips, ice-cream and lots more besides.  In didn't feel bad about it, I felt determined to get back to where I was.  Before Becky and Ollie came I got down to 82.9kgs.  I think I was a fair bit lower than that on one day and probably about 82.4kgs but I didn't record it.  It is what it is and I am here to continue my experiment in weight loss and good health through fasting.  It's all a work in progress and a learning curve.  

We had a busy day yesterday anyway as I had an MRI scan at Angouleme on my neck.  Then we shot into Aldi and I did some shopping and then home and just shut in out of the heat.  I did some bone broth and a few other bits and pieces so that I was fully prepared to fast.  I fasted yesterday until about 4pm I think and then had a snack of avocado and cream cheese.  Then I had my dinner which was beefburgers and salad and half a bun.  I wish I hadn't eaten the bun but I really wanted it.  Halfway through eating the bun I really wasn't enjoying it so I threw it in the bin!!  Good job Gail!!  I had a yoghurt with some honey and 2 squares of dark chocolate.  I was absolutely stuffed and was happy to close my window.  To be honest after the trials of a few weeks ago the whole fasting day felt easy and I felt that I could easily have gone on and fasted all day and probably until today.  I don't know what it is that keeps stopping me from doing the longer fasts when I feel comfortable.  I just get that thing where I want the nice feeling of eating.  I don't need it, I just want to do it.

I am just reflecting back on the days before the visitors came and I was really struggling.  I was struggling to do 16 hours which I had had difficult days before but this felt like difficult weeks.  Maybe the break has done me good mentally.  I hate how the weight gain makes me feel.  I feel really huge.  My boobs feel like bloody balloons and around my back and hips I can feel that I have expanded.  Even though it is only 3kgs or 7lbs it feels like a lot more.  This is all going to prove that inches are not equivalent to pounds.  Before I had lost no pounds or kilos and was feeling really miserable because the scales weren't moving but I felt smaller and my clothes were looser.  This was obviously true and is being proved that the reverse is true too.  I wish I could stop weighing myself but I really find I can't.  I am desperate for validation and proof that it is working.  I am scared that if I am not weighing I am not dieting, and ergo I am not losing weight.  

Todays fast has been quite easy again.  I was busy this morning as I had to take the dog to the vets for her vaccinations and then had to drive to collect a washing machine thingy and so I didn't get home till at least 11am.  Then I made a load more bone broth and then Mark came round.  I kept taking the salt, drinking water and then at about 3pm I had a big mug of bone broth.  It's 5.45pm now so I will try and eat at 7pm with Mike.  I will have some chicken and salad although I have just had a horrible thought that I might have frozen it all.  If I did then it doesn't matter.

I feel pretty good right now and I know I can do this and soon get back to where I was.  I put on 3kgs in 14 days so although I don't think I can lose it at the same rate I fully expect to be down to 84.5 by Monday 28th and 83.5 by Monday 4th.   God!!  When I see it written down like that it really focusses my attention.  I need to be really bloody good to achieve that.

Let's just take it a day at a time for now and do the best I can.  I can fast every day.  I can clean fast for at least 18-20 hours and maybe I can try and do at least 1 overnight fast with the help of bone broth and butter.

I need to get back to Pilates, Vibroplate and meditating.  I can do that.


Today I am grateful for.

Being back home in our own space and able to give each other some nice attention without anyone else around.  I am not good at sharing him with the kids.

That I am back on the wagon and feeling so good about it and in fact that I was looking forward to being back in this space.

The warm weather which has felt like it was a long time coming.  It wasn't and we have had a good amount of sun but we have had quite a bit of overcast and rainy weather.  We need some settled weather next week after the really hot weather has subsided so that we can go away on the bike for a week or so before the next visitors come.  I am just grateful that we have the space to chose and to please ourselves.  Life is a big adventure.


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