IF a journey to health and well-being

 Wednesday  88.2 I just do not know what to think and what to do.  My weight is going up and I am doing really strict carnivore.  I am eating a lot of fats but no carbs at all, nothing, nada.  I just cannot think about not carrying on with this because where do I go now?  What do I eat?  I will cut down the fats I think and just eat meat in some form or another. I ate a couple of biscuits a few nights ago and ended up having a horrible episode of heart racing and feeling sick and shaky.  I learned a hard lesson there about sugar.  I won't do it again. I feel defeated today.  Yesterday I only did OMAD and still I put on weight. I have friends coming for lunch today and I will eat healthily and will probs not have a drink.  I might have to have a massive rethink on everything. WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO? Maybe I need to resort to the exercise as I had planned to.

Sunday  Day 6 AF Look at me go!!!  I haven't had a drink for 6 days.  It is so hard and I really really want one.  I even went into the utility room just to look at the bottle.  But I just had a glass of sparkling water and walked away from it. Eating wise I have been pretty good I think.  I fasted until about 1.30pm and then had some bone broth and then some chicken warmed up in butter with some cream cheese.  For dinner I had 2 fairly thin pork chops with creme fraiche and blue cheese.  I feel satisfied but still crave something sweet.😒 I am going to weigh myself in the morning so I really would like to be very good and not have anything. I went for a lovely walk this morning with the dog through the woods.  I really enjoyed it and so did she.  We did 7.5 kms when we got back and 11,000 steps so I was very happy with that.  I have planned to try and go out every day if I can.  I don't have to do the whole walk  and mayb...

 Saturday Day 5 AF So today I fasted until about 1pm and then had 3 eggs and some lardons.  We went out for a ride on the bike to Riberac where we had a coffee and I visited some lovely shops.  I also went to L'Eclerc and managed to get a huge piece of belly pork. We came home and I cooked Mike some nice vegetarian pasta and sauce and I had some chicken thighs with a couple of eggs.  I couldn't eat it all. All in all a nice day and also I did not have a drink.  I nearly talked myself into having a drink as I have been listening to a book about giving up alcohol.  It talks about people who are addicted to alcohol and get drunk every night and have a hangover but honestly I am not like that.  I do have a drink every day whilst I'm cooking dinner but I rarely have more than 2 and I never ever drink after dinner.  So I was arguing with myself that if I was only having one or two then surely there is no problem.  I really don't think that there is...

 Friday 87kgs So things are going better and the scales are moving.  Today I managed to fast until about 5pm and then had chicken and burger for dinner with some cream cheese.  I had a greek yoghurt after with a teaspoon of sugar. I have been very good and not had a drink at all.  I was so tempted and had flashes of real craving.  I nibbled some brazil nuts and then at the real tempting time whilst I was getting dinner I had a big glass of fizzy water.  Once I had finished my dinner that craving went and I felt fine.  I think the not drinking is harder or at least as hard as not eating the things I want to eat.  I would love to feel that I have given up drinking but that is a hard thing to think.  I have Inge et al coming to lunch on Wednesday and will offer a bottle of Prosecco.  I am not sure that I will be able to say no to it.  My problem is that it is a bit like dieting.  If I'm not weighing myself I am not dieting.  ...

 Wednesday  88..... something. I have been really good today.  No carbs. no alcohol.  Probably not enough water.  I had lunch of sausages and eggs and then dinner was pork steaks and half a courgette.  This evening I really wanted to snack and so I ate the rest of the tin of olives and a handful of brazil nuts.  All very calorific but I have stuck to the plan.  I also didn't have a drink.  Second day of not drinking.  I had a big glass of sparkling water which got me through cooking dinner and then by the time I had dinner the craving was past. Tomorrow is a down day although I do have to go shopping.  I know that if I am busy I can fast.  Trouble is with me that going shopping and being hungry is not a wise move.  If I go shopping early enough I won't feel hungry so that's my plan. Am I going to stick to the carnivore diet?  Can I stick to it?  Because it is so boring and repetitive it makes me crave the carb an...

Tuesday  88.5 or maybe .3 or maybe .2 depending where the scale is on the floor. This is really not going at all well.  I am feeling very depressed and low.  Some of this is because of Ben and Lou.  They are descending into divorce and the house is on the market.  I feel so sad and I would love for them to stay together but not if they are going to be so unhappy.   As far as my diet is concerned I was good yesterday until later in the evening.  Whilst I was cooking lunch I had a vodka and a half and then before I went to bed I ate two Biscoff biscuits.  Why?  I know why.  I wanted something sweet, something carby.  I needed a drink because I felt so low.  I just wanted to cry all the time and then I let myself down.  No wonder I am putting on weight doing carnivore.  I am eating loads of protein and fat and then eating carbs which totally destroys everything and just means I am eating masses of calories which is ...

 Monday Can't look This is a catastrophe.  I am really and seriously failing here.   Saturday was a disaster.  I started off ok and then it just went downhill.  I ate biscuits, chocolate, just about anything I could get my hands on.  I drank nearly a whole bottle of demi-sec fizz.   Yesterday I was very good all day and then in the evening after dinner I ate 2 chocolats and two biscuits.  I also had a vodka.   What is the matter with me?   In 6 weeks we will be in Spain and I will be back at my heaviest since starting this blog.  I don't understand why I can't do it any more?  Something in my head is fused and just keeps saying 'I'm hungry, I'm deprived, I deserve it'.   I am spending a huge amount of money on meat and other carnivore stuff and then I eat that and eat everything else as well.  I feel horrible.  I feel so fat and unhealthy.  I must keep in my head how healthy and slim...

 Tuesday 7th November 86.5 kgs So as you can see I have lost nearly 2kgs.  Probably 4lbs which isn't bad.  I have been very good.  No cheating until yesterday which was my weighing day.   I have felt pretty good, not brilliant but not bad.  I haven't really had any cravings apart from yesterday.  Once I started I just couldn't stop.  Biscuits, rice, carbs and more carbs.  It is what it is.  Onwards and upwards.  Today I have been good.  Just mackerel for lunch fried in a load of butter and tonight I am having salmon again fried in loads of butter with mayonnaise I should think.   I am hoping for a good day because tomorrow is going to be a bad day.  I have some friends coming for lunch and I have made a chicken and chick pea tagine with couscous and for dessert I have made a chocolate orange cheese cake!  I also have wine and Prosecco.  I will be back on it on Thursday. I need to get back into blog...

 Friday 88.2kgs I've been gone for ages and that is because I have been on a bit of a roller coaster.  By the time the roller coaster got to the bottom of the dip I felt like such a failure that I couldn't face putting it on here. So to recap on what's been going on.  We went off bike packing intending to do the canal de deux mers and having started it was so hot we had to come home again after only 2 days.  Combined with that was the fact that it is almost impossible to eat low carb.  There is nothing available and definitely nothing for a carnivore diet.  So we came home and waited for the weather to ease.  My diet was up and down.  Some fasting and some keto and some carnivore.  My weight went up and down too.   A few weeks later we set off again as the weather was cooler.  Once again it was impossible to eat Keto or Carnivore and I ended up doing what I could.  We were away for about 7 days and by the time we got home ...