Gone a long time but now I'm back. 88.2

 Friday 88.2kgs

I've been gone for ages and that is because I have been on a bit of a roller coaster.  By the time the roller coaster got to the bottom of the dip I felt like such a failure that I couldn't face putting it on here.

So to recap on what's been going on.  We went off bike packing intending to do the canal de deux mers and having started it was so hot we had to come home again after only 2 days.  Combined with that was the fact that it is almost impossible to eat low carb.  There is nothing available and definitely nothing for a carnivore diet.  So we came home and waited for the weather to ease.  My diet was up and down.  Some fasting and some keto and some carnivore.  My weight went up and down too.  

A few weeks later we set off again as the weather was cooler.  Once again it was impossible to eat Keto or Carnivore and I ended up doing what I could.  We were away for about 7 days and by the time we got home I was 86.3kgs.  I started back on it again when we got home and by the 2nd October I was 84.9kgs.

In Mid October I had to go back to the UK to help mum as she was so stressed with my dad and when I was there I really went bonkers.  All the lovely food that I miss so much.  My mum is no help as she encouraged me and so I paid a huge price.  When I got back on 29th October I was 88.2kgs.

I started immediately back on the carnivore diet and have stuck to it pretty much.  The only 'bad' thing I have had is some greek yoghurt with at teaspoon of honey in it.  I have stopped that now.  I also have had a glass of gin or vodka with sparkling water every night.

So far I am down to 87.3kgs after a week.  I will weigh again on Monday and hopefully I will be into the 86's.  I can hope anyway.

We went shopping yesterday for a new motorcycling jacket for me and it was really distressing.  Absolutely nothing fit me.  One jacket which was the biggest in the range was ok but tight across the top of my chest and around my back.  Jackets have always been a problem for me because I am so broad across the back.  Even when I was in the Police.

Anyway my plan is to stick with this as much as possible.  I need to get below 85 kgs.  Into the 84's would be really good by the time we go to the UK for Christmas.  Then I need to really focus my attention to get ready to go to Spain at the end of December.  I do not want to be the fat, unfit bitch that everyone feels sorry for,  Equally I am the  fat unfit bitch that everyone feels sorry for and only I can do anything about that.

Sometimes I really wish I didn't care about my weight.  Mike doesn't care what I weigh but then again he is always talking about how much I weigh on the bike and we are at the max.  He is light for his height.  He eats all the time and really inappropriate stuff and never gains weight.  He is about 82 kgs.  It is so unfair.

It will be what it will be but between now and Monday morning I must be very good.  I can eat as much meat and fat as I want but no carbs.  86.7 would be 1.5kgs off.  I can do that.

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