Mentally struggling... Not doing well

Tuesday  88.5 or maybe .3 or maybe .2 depending where the scale is on the floor.

This is really not going at all well.  I am feeling very depressed and low.  Some of this is because of Ben and Lou.  They are descending into divorce and the house is on the market.  I feel so sad and I would love for them to stay together but not if they are going to be so unhappy.  

As far as my diet is concerned I was good yesterday until later in the evening.  Whilst I was cooking lunch I had a vodka and a half and then before I went to bed I ate two Biscoff biscuits.  Why?  I know why.  I wanted something sweet, something carby.  I needed a drink because I felt so low.  I just wanted to cry all the time and then I let myself down.  No wonder I am putting on weight doing carnivore.  I am eating loads of protein and fat and then eating carbs which totally destroys everything and just means I am eating masses of calories which is making me fat.

My shoulder is killing me as I have been to physio this morning.  I have had a 2 egg omlette with about 4oz of cheese and cooked in butter.  All good for a carnivore diet but not if you eat biscuits as well.

Tonight we will have cauliflower and leek cheese.  If I make it with creme fraiche and cheese for me and a traditional roux for Mike then I will be ok.  I have to do this.  If it fails then where do I go?  Back to low fat, low calorie?  I just can't face that.  

I feel very useless and a failure.  I cannot go back to 90+ kilos.  I just can't.

I need to buck myself up!

I DIDN'T HAVE A DRINK TODAY SO DAY 1.

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