This is all going Pete Tong

 Monday Can't look

This is a catastrophe.  I am really and seriously failing here.  
Saturday was a disaster.  I started off ok and then it just went downhill.  I ate biscuits, chocolate, just about anything I could get my hands on.  I drank nearly a whole bottle of demi-sec fizz.  
Yesterday I was very good all day and then in the evening after dinner I ate 2 chocolats and two biscuits.  I also had a vodka.  

What is the matter with me?  

In 6 weeks we will be in Spain and I will be back at my heaviest since starting this blog.  I don't understand why I can't do it any more?  Something in my head is fused and just keeps saying 'I'm hungry, I'm deprived, I deserve it'.  

I am spending a huge amount of money on meat and other carnivore stuff and then I eat that and eat everything else as well.  I feel horrible.  I feel so fat and unhealthy.  I must keep in my head how healthy and slim I felt before.  I can do this.  I have to do this.

Today my plan is to have bacon and eggs for lunch or maybe brunch.  Then steak for dinner.  I may boil some eggs for in between to get me over the biscuits or whatever else crap I think I need.

I MUST MUST MUST write on here every day.  I don't know what happens but for some reason I forget or put it off.  I MUST do it. and if necessary do it more than once a day.  I need to be accountable.

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