Struggling now. This is a dangerous time. 86.8kgs

 Friday 2nd June 2023

Weighed this morning and I am 86.8 kgs again.

Yesterday was bloody tough.  I just don't know what's going on.  I didn't have coffee but I was so, so hungry by 1pm.  I really felt awful.  I struggled on until 2pm and then I just had to eat.  And of course once I started then I couldn't stop.  I was nibbling and snacking and eating Ryita and butter and nuts and crisps and then my dinner which was courgette spaghetti.  I felt really bad all afternoon and had to go to bed in the afternoon as I had the most terrible headache.  The headache wouldn't go away even after taking 3 hourly Paracetamol.  I felt so good a few days ago.  I am wondering if it is that I am not drinking enough water although I thought I was.

Even when I woke up this morning I really didn't feel good.  My vision was blurred, I feel very shaky, I had the buzzing in my head and I had the mushy headache again.  I feel miserable and generally unwell.  I wonder if I have covid?  God knows.  I just know I don't feel great.  I am drinking a lot of water and my eyesight has improved by now at 11.30am but I still have a headache and feel very below parr.  My 18 hour window is not up until 2.30pm and I just can't imagine how I'm going to get there.  Mike wants to go for a bike ride but I really don't feel up to it today.  

This is a very dangerous time for me now.  This is where I go 'This is too hard for me.  I can't do this and I am giving up' .  However I know that I will put all the weight back on and feel even more shit if I do.  If I take a day off and eat normally I know that when I weigh tomorrow I will be at least 87.8 and more likely 88kgs and I don't want to go back there.

I can do this if I am sensible.  I will drink at least another 2 litres of water both fizzy and still before 2.30pm.  I will find something to occupy my mind and maybe read some more of The Kindness Method.

I need to plan better for eating when I end my fast.  I must get some plain yoghurt to have with some fruit as I am craving sweet things.  I must get some sausages and ham and things to pick at when I cannot resist the urge to eat.  I must get some more chicken breasts to have for meals and also some nice steaks.  Keto is good for me and I do well on it usually.  

I am not going to give up, I am going to manage my thinking and have a vision of how this will go.  It is just one day of feeling under the weather, not the end of the world.

I will update this later and make myself accountable. 

UPDATE

So it's 9pm and it's been a strange day.  I felt really very unwell this morning as I described above and there is no doubt I was very dehydrated.  I have drunk quite a lot throughout the day and really been quite lazy but as the day progressed I began to feel much better.  Let this be a lesson to me.  I must drink more water.  I am going to find out a 5litre bottle tomorrow and put it in the fridge and that will be my aim.  I still have a litre to go this evening but I really want to avoid a repeat.

I managed to fast for 18 hours and then ate some chicken and salad and some crispbreads.  I had a couple of handfuls of nuts whilst I was getting dinner and then I had pork steaks in a cream sauce with about a tablespoon of mash and courgettes and sweetcorn.  I did have an ice cream for pudding.  I'll count up some calories but the proof will be in the scales in the morning.  


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