Back on the road again 86.2kgs

 Thursday 86.2 kgs

Thank God I am on the way down again.  I really find this BBE WOE easy.  I did have a tiny drink last night but I am well on my way to none.  We are off to the UK today and so I have to be ultra careful and plan for every single minute of every day.  I have some steak cooked ready to eat and I will make an omelette up and take for early evening.  Mike will have his chilli and rice so I don't have to think about that.  Tomorrow is ferry so I can fast til the ferry gets in at about 2.30pm.  I will wing it but try to get to mums about 6pm for fish and chips.... except I won't have the chips.  Winging it probably isn't the best idea but I have discovered if I eat a good tablespoonful of butter when I start craving to eat then it takes away the craving.  It shouldn't spike my insulin and it just gets me through another couple of hours.  Anyone who doesn't understand keto or IF would have a fit reading that I eat a tablespoonful of butter but if it gets me through another couple of hours of fasting then it is all good.

The first thing I must do when we get there is to go shopping to Aldi and buy several steaks.  

So I started the book about Never Binge Again.  I am quite liking the thinking.  Basically you call your bingeing or overeating fat bitch inside a Pig.   The object is to despise and hate The Pig and whenever it raises it's ugly snout to talk you into bingeing or overeating or going off track you place it back in it's cage where it belongs.  I am seriously wanting to call my Pig Helene.  Someone I despise and hate.  Someone I quite easily see with her snout in the trough.  Someone I would like to control and cage.  It's probably not a good idea to even conjure her up in my imagination.  I spent so many years being bullied and abused by her and also it's taken me years to stop her being in my thoughts.  I am also not a person who wishes ill on anyone and would find it hard to think like that...  There is just this nasty corner of my psyche which would like to call it Helene.  I'll probably call it The Pig though.   I haven't finished the book yet but hopefully I will get the chance to read it today and then I can fully embrace caging my pig.  Thankfully I don't have a massive problem with bingeing but I do have that problem with feeling that I deserve to eat that and that if I don't then I am deprived.  I think that those thoughts are coming from my Pig trying to get me to eat the things which will not help me on my journey.  This is a great strategy as I know my cycle is that I will have one thing off track and then I kind of give myself permission to keep going because I deserve it.


Today I am so grateful for

My gorgeous husband.  He gives me so much love and support on this journey and all through my life.

My Darling Lilly who is back home where she belongs and also gives me so much love and affection.

Me.  I am learning to love myself and to put myself first.  I am learning to look after myself.  I am amazing!

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